110225_sunday scaries

daylight savings

I didn't realize Daylight Savings ended today, until I saw 7:38 on the oven clock, as opposed to the 6:38 I was seeing on my watch. It felt nice realizing I got more than 7 hours of sleep, which is pretty rare for me.

wfo vs. rto

I'm still debating whether or not to go into the office tomorrow, because I have a meeting from 4-5 that's actually one of the most important meetings of the week. My commute takes 50-ish minutes, and because I'm reliant on public transportation, by the time I arrive in my apartment, it's 6 PM.

When does the sun set tomorrow?
5:33 PM.

But if I don't go in tomorrow, I'll have to "make up" for my in-office hours (not that it's required, but more of a rule I set for myself) later in the week when it gets even colder than it already is.

Internal dilemma aside, I know it's a huge privilege that I even have an option, so sometimes I feel pretty bad for having "work" as one of the contributing factors to my life struggles.

burnout

To be honest, I never believed in burnout. I thought it was an excuse people used for not pushing themselves harder, which just shows how stupid and naive I've been.

I realized it is possible to reach a point where I myself won't budge, no matter how hard I push myself. I had multiple mind paralyses, where I couldn't comprehend the letters on my screen, speak a sentence without pausing in the middle, and type anything using my keyboard (no exaggeration here, really). Sure, I've experienced points in my life where I couldn't walk straight and had to crouch down literally on the streets because I had no strength to stand and walk, but even then, I didn't have trouble speaking, reading, or writing.

On the brighter side, at least I learned that burnout is a real thing.

running

My IT band flared up after a weekly mileage spike following my half-marathon, so there's nothing to blame except my overachieving-prone ego.

Except for an ankle injury I had in June, I didn't have a huge mileage cut since I got back into running in March. It sucked not being able to run, especially when the other areas of my life sucked, but I think forcing myself to rest + religiously massaging & strength training my TFL and glutes did its magic.

This past week, I ran three times, 4km (2.5 miles) each, without pain, and I'm grateful to be able to start sliding back into training mode. I'm not obsessing over keeping my heart rate below 157, but rather only focusing on running with good form. Although that means I need more time to recover (from yours truly, Garmin), I want to run with the form I'm trying to learn.

Hopefully, this week's training will go pain-free.

sunday scaries

I never really had the Sunday Scaries until my chronic burnout, but I can't really do anything about it, right?

I guess I don't have to look forward to work.
I don't have to be excited about work.
I don't have to be hyped about what I get to learn.

I don't have to associate emotions with work, like I don't with brushing my teeth and washing my face.

It can just be something I do – nothing less, nothing more.

OF COURSE it's easier said than done, but at this point, I'll take anything that will take even just a gram off from my mental load.

I'll end my rambles here.

See you tomorrow,
Ael