110525_first 40 minutes

today's run

Today I ran the longest since my IT band flared up: 40 minutes.

I'm going through a running form-change phase, where I'm still getting used to my new form. I don't know if it was because of that or because I was so nervous during my run, but my heart rate spiked over 160 bpm for the majority of the run.

The first 18 minutes also sucked because the form wasn't sticking to me, and I felt like I was sinking to the ground with every step. Thankfully, it got better, and I felt lighter towards the end of the run, at the expense of my heart rate.

In the end, I gave up on heart rate and sprinted for a few seconds.

runna or not?

I've been seeing all these influencers use and advertise the Runna app – basically a virtual running coach app that gives you personalized training plans. I have used a free trial in the past, but I'm spending enough money on running-related stuff (Half-marathon traveling took about $680 total), so I decided to go to ChatGPT. It gave me a rough plan I could follow, and it also took into account my ITBS recovery, so I'm going to give this a try for the next 8 weeks or so.

work

I wfh-ed today.

today was

sad, mundane – felt nervous & anxious too. I know not every day needs to be filled with excitement and positive vibes, but I don't want every day to be blue and feel like I'm stuck in a forever rut.

cure cancer

Guess what, I was just another Asian kid wanting to become a surgeon so she could cure cancer, and that was her "big and ambitious dream."

And then, while studying CS in university, I found Dr. Regina Barzilay from MIT, who researches the application of deep learning to oncology (that's one of her research interests). That sparked something in me again, but quickly faded due to other circumstances.

Recently, while looking into grad schools, I came across Dr. Barzilay's name again, and I felt that same spark I had back in university. What if that's what I really want to do? What if that's what my gut is telling me to do?

However, I knew I'd get rejected right away from MIT with my current specs. I needed some pre-Ph.D. experience, so the logical step was to get a Master's degree.

Except I needed some pre-Master's experience, which I also didn't have.

So now I'm stuck in this endless loop where I need to get experience, but to get that experience, I need some other experience – so on, so forth.

Do I need a Ph.D. from MIT to cure cancer?

No, not really.

But do I want a Ph.D. from MIT and be advised by Dr. Barzilay?

Yes, absolutely.

See you tomorrow,
Ael