111725_dear ael

translated from a postcard I wrote to myself before leaving DC

111725 On the last day of my 4th DC trip

The way I've felt about this trip is similar to how I felt during the March trip. Heartaches that I can never articulate their cause, the feeling of not wanting to return, and now the added fear of work itself.

It hurts so much to leave.

The timing of this trip was very... interesting.

The U.S. government was back open on my first day, and I also visited the campus of the school I'd want to get accepted to, just right after I decided I was going to stand myself back up.

Despite the sadness, I regained the will to live, and found the dream I had lost for so long on this trip.

I'm not letting this be the last one.

My mom told me that, as long as I'm alive, I can come back any time. So, just keep dreaming about this place. Even if that's hard, trust the value of a life with a dream.

I won't say the cliche lines of "You'll be fine; everything will work out." All I ask is, once you return, don't lose your grip on the dream again.

And for now, let's not think ahead of the scenarios when things don't work out the way you wish. Instead, I need you to just focus on how you are going to wrap your story and vision in your applications and send them off.

That's all I ask, ok?

So don't cry – actually You can cry if you need to.

11/17/25 from the (now) 24-year-old,
Ael